My Greatest Blessing

For those of you who haven't taken a pregnancy tests in your life, this is a negative pregnancy test. Of the 100's of tests I have taken, this is the only result I have ever seen because I suffer from unexplained female factor infertility. 

I don't like the term unexplained because it doesn't actually mean anything. What we know for sure is that I have PCOS. Unless I am on medication to induce a period, I don't get periods. We have tried lots of different medications but my body has decided that it only wants to ovulate when it wants to. 

We took a month off while we were being transferred from our regular OB/GYN to our reproductive endocrinologist. In that month off I did ovulate without any medication. I didn't ovulate any of the cycles with the fertility specialist. 

The tricky thing with this is that it means I technically could get pregnant at anytime. 5 years of no birth control and it hasn't happened, but if the stars align and I actually ovulate, BAM! I will say that we are not actively trying to have a baby of our own but aren't taking any measures to prevent it.

At one point, this single line was a horrific reminder of what was missing in my life. This single line was a reminder of everything I couldn't do. I won't go into the details, but infertility caused pain like I had never felt before in my life. It was like a death. It was the death of a dream I had had for as long as I could remember. 

That pain is gone now. You see, I no longer mourn my infertility. As a matter of fact, I consider it my greatest blessing.

Had I been able to have my own children, foster care would have never even been on my radar. I would never have even considered adoption as a realistic option. It sounds nice to talk about, but I would never have actually done it. I would have never known this crazy and amazing world.

Of course, I will never get to experience breast feeding, gender reveals, and feeling my baby move inside of me. Although people who don't get to experience foster care will never know the absolute JOY that fills you when you sit in a court room and a judge spells out your child's name with your last name behind it. Never know what it is like when you actually forget you didn't give birth to this child that is so completely yours in every way... minus that DNA stuff. Never be able to understand how hard you fought and advocated for your baby and know that it wasn't in vain and that you now never have to worry about someone taking them away from you. You can also never comprehend how mixed your emotions are when you are so happy for a child to go back to parents who have worked so hard and deserve their baby back but also that a piece of your heart is leaving with that child. 

I may never get a positive pregnancy test, and that is ok. I have mourned this loss and it no longer holds power over me because I got to experience more than I could have ever dreamed. 

Waiting is hard...

So I haven't posted anything in awhile and it is not only because I am lazy, but honestly I have nothing new for you. We are still just waiting for home study to be completed so that we can hurry up and wait on the OLCR to approve our license. We realistically have another 4-6 weeks. It is just hard because as one point we were told we had just a couple weeks if not days. I guess the phrase "expect the unexpected" is our new mantra.

How darling is this! If things work out this will be in our nursery!

We do have a small piece of news that I have debated on sharing, but finally decided we should. We heard about a little man that is in need of a set of adoptive parents and Mark and I are actually being considered! I know that doesn't sound like a little piece of news, but honestly, I am just trying to not get my hopes up. His name is baby A (obviously not his real name, but for privacy reasons it is A). Last I heard he is about 7-8 months. Mark and I have meet him before and just fell in love, but that was awhile ago.

A lot needs to happen for this to work out, and honestly the chances are larger that it won't work out vs. working out, but it is still something we are praying hard for! Most of all, I just want this little man to find an amazing home whether that is us, or another family. So if you could PLEASE be praying for us and for baby A, it would be appreciated.

I will update when I know more!

** UPDATE on baby A 9/9/2013**

The agency that has baby A currently has said they would prefer to keep him with the agency and adopt him out to one of their families. We are not with there agency currently so unfortunately, we aren't going to be able to adopt him, :(

Update

UPDATE: I will start with the update because lets face it, foster care is the point of this blog, not all the other random thoughts that go through my head.

We got a call today and we officially have our first licensing interview scheduled! This will take place August 1st and will last approximately 3-4 hours. Yikers!!! I cannot imagine an interview lasting that long. Besides, what on earth do we have 3-4 hours worth to talk about. I feel like we have answered every single question we possibly could.

The good news is that I really like our licensing worker. I am going to refer to her as L for privacy reasons. She seems very nice and it sounds like we are going to get along great. I think as much as it can get annoying at times, she appreciates my over prepared and on top of things attitude about everything.

The bad news is that after L comes out and completes her home study and submit it, we are looking at 4-8 weeks because of how backed up the Office of Licensing, Certification, and Regulation (OLCR) is. The is depressing because I thought we had days, until we got a kiddo. Boy was I wrong!

In other news, my FOSTER SHOWER is tomorrow!!! That is right folks, just one more sleeps. I am so incredibly excited! I cannot wait to share pictures of the event, and then a haul of all the things I got and all the things I bought with my gift cards (I already have a few from guests that couldn't make it).

The great debate...

To keep me from going absolutely insane while waiting for "the call", we have been slowly but surely putting the nursery together. It started because we realized things were moving much quicker than we anticipated, but then I got a little over excited and now, the nursery is practically completely finished.

 

One thing that we went back and forth on and couldn't decide was whether or not to have a glider or rocker in the nursery. Yes, it is was really a big debate that spanned several days. Ok, who am I kidding! It was really just me talking in circles to myself with Mark standing in the room. Don't get me wrong, Mark is very involved and is always helpful with opinions when I need them. He just didn't think this was as big of a decision than I did (nor does anyone else I assume).

 

Let me explain, I know a glider or rocker is great for those late nights of trying to get baby back to sleep. Plus they are super comfy. My issue is that every single nursery I see looks adorable with them, but once that adorable little baby grows up to a toddler, they are rarely used. Then inevitably they go to live in the garage until they are sold in a garage sale or given to a friend. I wanted something that I would use for much longer.

 

So I found a solution!



 

 This is our new nursery chair (we got the matching ottoman too). Now yes, I realize this doesn't have the rocking motion that a glider and rocker offer, but it does still provide an incredibly comfy place to kick up our feet and sit and cuddle/read to our little one. Plus with the neutral color and classic design, this piece can easily transition from the nursery to any other room of the house. I am thrilled with it and it is SO comfy that it is already Mark and I's favorite spot in the house.



Waiting Game

So at this point, Mark and I have been assigned a licensing worker. What this means is that we have completed everything with our agency. Being assigned a licensing worker is the final step before being officially licensed and ready to accept a placement.

The bad news is that we are now just waiting on the system which is at best unpredictable. We could be looking at days or weeks. We just don't know. This is frustrating because I am a total planner. I am climbing up the walls in anticipation!

To help pass the time, my amazing friends Lauren and Erin have thrown me a foster shower! The shower will be this Saturday and I am unbelievably excited. Once we found out that we would likely not ever have our own biological children, I thought I lost the chance to ever have a baby shower. Thanks to my amazing friends, I still get to have one.

We have registered for gifts here, but we decided to also do something different. We encouraged our friends and family to use this registry as just a guide for finding gently used items as well. This way they have options for both new or used items. The response thus far has been positive. I still realize that because we are going to be licensed for such a range (newborn-2), gift giving is difficult, so gift cards will likely be the gift of choice for most. I think this is great because once we do have a need for an item, we will have gift cards to help us with those purchases.

This is one item we have an immediate need for. Like, I will run out and purchase the day of the shower if I don't get it. We have had two friends either sell or donate old infant car seats to us, but this would be much more versatile. Plus, the price is right. Anyone used this model? Thoughts?

What are we going to do with all of this stuff if we can't or don't end up using it (wrong size, too old and/or young)? I am so glad you asked... even if you didn't really. Well if it is new and we have gift receipts, obviously return it for something we can use, but if it used, we plan to donate it. There are several organizations for foster children that would benefit greatly from these donations! We foster families gotta stick together!

Henderson Babymoon

 

For those of you who don’t know, a babymoon is a final getaway for first time parents before kids come. This is typically for pregnant momma’s of course, but Mark and I figured why shouldn’t we have a getaway too?

 

We packed up our truck and our dogs and hit the road for my families cabin in the mountains. Along with a 50 degree temperature drop, we got fresh air, relaxation, and lots of quad riding. It was exactly what Mark and I needed before having our world turned completely upside down!

 

You can check out the whole trip on my instagram account under.

 

 

I am normally not the outdoorsy type, but this was too good to pass up. This was me crawling down into the ice caves! It was something really cool that I hadn't ever seen before. Mark claimed he stayed behind to take pictures, but I think he really was a tiny bit scared. 

 

We even splurged and made the decision to buy quads this weekend! We just bought two of my families old quads, but we love them! Mark is all about the outdoors and jumped at the opportunity to buy anything that would get him off roading.  

 

 

Look at that smile!

 

 

 

Welcome

Hi there! For those of you who don’t know, my name is Renee and my husband is Mark. We are soon to be foster parents! While there are many ways to build a family, we have chosen to do that through foster care.

 

I have created this site to share with you our story of not only being foster parents, but being first time parents in a very nontraditional way. Whether you are a friend, family member, or a random stranger, welcome!