That being said, I think there are things you can keep in mind to help get you in being ready for this crazy train.
1. Have a strong marriage.
Having a baby is not a way to solve any marriage problems. Starting foster care will absolutely not solve any marriage problems. Foster care will actually shine a bright light on any weakness (and strength) you have in your marriage. Don't even consider doing foster care if you and your spouse are not 100%.
2. You will get attached.
My absolute least favorite thing of all time is when I get asked, "How do you do it? I would get attached". REALLY? Of course you get attached and honestly, these kids deserve someone who is attached to them. I have yet to meet a foster parent that could not be 100% attached to their child no matter what the situation.
The first week we had A I lost nearly 10 pounds because I was terrified that every single call was going to be someone calling to take him away. If they had, I would have been devastated. The reality is, they still could call today and take my baby away. I would be an absolute wreck. I can't even begin to imagine that. Am I going to not love him completely though, no.
Unfortunately, heart ache comes with the job of being a foster mom.
3. People won't understand.
Even my most supportive friends and family just don't get it. No matter how many times i explain the process or explain why we are doing this, they don't get it. That is ok though. Until you have walked this road, I don't think you can get it.
For this reason, find yourself other foster parents for support. They don't have to be people you know, or even local. I have mentioned before, my biggest support comes from a group of ladies I found on Instagram. It is approximately 30 of us and not a single one lives within 500 miles of me. We are able to be open and honest with each other. It is an amazing relationship I hope lasts for years to come.
4. These kids are not like normal kids (in some ways).
Let me preface this by saying, these kids are normal kids who just need love and a safe place, BUT they have also been through things that most other children have not. This can leave marks physically and emotionally. Be prepared for that.
With A, we got him as an infant so emotionally we didn't have as many issues, but physically our little man was a mess. He was sick, a LOT! I quickly used up all of my sick days and vacation days. Thankfully, it was never anything life threatening. We have made great relationships with his pediatricians office though and have even started ranking our local hospitals by which we prefer. Hopefully, this is not the norm for most 6 month old babies.
5. Be warned, you will want more.
If you go into foster care saying you hope to adopt 1 child, expect to adopt 3. I joke, but I am serious. Mark and I originally wanted to get in and out per say. We wanted to foster until we were able to adopt and then be done with it. We say it as a means to an end to build our family. Boy were we stupid.
These kids and their stories will change your life. You will love this crazy ride. Don't get me wrong, you will hate it at times. You will wake up some days and ask yourself why am I doing this. Then that story comes on that news that breaks your heart and you hear the child is in custody of Child Protective Services and you know, what you are doing is making a difference.
With that being said, Mark and I would like to officially announce we are opening our home in May to a second foster child. We are going on the placement list for a child 1-3 years old. Yes we are crazy, but who ever had any fun being sane?
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